It’s been quite awhile since I posted anything, but that’s ok. The end of last semester was not very pleasant for me, and I was focusing all my energy on just making it through. After the semester ended, I took some time off work, visited family in Florida, and just relaxed.
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Chimeric Dream
Posts Tagged ‘doing life’
Reflections
The Ship That Sails
I haven’t been writing every day like I wanted, but that’s ok. I don’t have much to write about today, or much time to do it, so I will just post this. This is a poem set to music that I sang in high school. The first time I performed this was the summer after I lost a good friend to cancer. Two years later, I directed the same piece in the final choir concert of my high school years.
The poem itself is about life and living. It’s a message of hope that compels us to take risks, lest we wind up at the end of our lives having never really lived.
This is the kind of thing I need to be reminding myself of right now.
The Ship That Sails
Author Unknown
I’d rather be the ship that sails
And rides the billows wild and free;
Than to be the ship that always fails
To leave its port and go to sea.I’d rather feel the sting of strife,
Where gales are born and tempests roar;
Than to settle down to useless life
And rot in dry dock on the shore.I’d rather fight some mighty wave
With honor in supreme command;
And fill at last a well-earned grave,
Than die in ease upon the sand.I’d rather drive where sea storms blow,
And be the ship that always failed
To make the ports where it would go,
Than be the ship that never sailed.
That’s all for today.
Been awhile… confessions
It’s been awhile since I posted. For those who don’t know, this semester has not been very kind to me, and it’s been everything I can do just to keep up. But in an effort to get myself back on track, I’m putting myself out there and trying to come clean. I don’t expect this to be a happy post, but hopefully it will be a cathartic one, or at least start me down that path.
One of the things I have been learning about this semester includes a rubric for working with a group. Specifically, part of the process is a “retrospective” in which you and your team answer three questions:
- What are we doing that we should stop doing?
- What are we doing that we should continue doing?
- What are we not doing that we should start doing?
Since that format seems to work for what I want to do, here goes.
What am I doing that I should stop doing?
- Worrying about what has already happened.
- The past couple weeks have been pretty low times for me. Unfortunately, I missed more class than I should have. But at this point, I can’t go back and attend the classes, so I need to stop fretting over what’s done and look to what I can do about it now.
- Self-pity
- Simply put, having my own little pity parties doesn’t do me (or anyone around me) any good. I don’t expect to ever break this habit entirely, just because I know myself and have never been the most confident person, but I need to work on it.
- Shutting people out
- Most notably Becca, my fianceé, but also my closest friends and family. They are there for me when I need them most, and I need to realize that.
What am I doing that I should continue doing?
- Keep pressing the Engineering Dept. regarding my misconduct appeal.
- If you aren’t in the loop, here is the short version of the story: someone cheated off my test in one of my classes. Now I am being accused of academic misconduct and have to prove that I was not a willing (or even aware) participant. I hope the people in the Engineering Department are getting tired of me, because I have been pestering them regularly trying to move the process along. I am tired of waiting at their pace.
- Therapy
- I started seeing a therapist recently, and it could be a good thing for me to have someone like that to talk to on a regular basis.
- Cry
- As hard as can be to let go sometimes, a good cry really can make a difference. (And I’m not afraid to admit that I do it.)
What am I not doing that I should (re)start doing?
- Study
- I have never been good at studying. But it’s time for me to start setting aside time every day to read or work on homework. It won’t be fun, it won’t be easy, and I will come up with every reason not to do it, but it’s necessary if I want to make it through this semester (and the rest of my time in school) with halfway decent grades.
- Be spontaneous
- I’m not going to lie; the stress of the past few months has put a huge strain on my relationship with Becca. She has been infinitely patient with me, and she deserves to have some of “the old me” back.
- Manage my time
- It should be obvious by the fact that I am writing this after 2:00am, but I haven’t been the best keeper of my time lately. I need to focus more on tasks at hand and less on distractions if I am going to be successful with all of this.
- Write more
- I miss writing, even though I’m not the greatest at it. I plan to try the NaBloPoMo challenge, but Becca, school, and work take priority. I like my blog and want to post, but I have to be realistic in the goals I set for myself.
- Run
- Along with writing, this is something I have done very little of this semester, and it shows. I have gained back much of the weight I lost earlier this year, and my runs, when I go out, are slower than I was (and I was never fast, believe me). I doubt I will be able to run 3-4 days per week as long as I have 4 classes and work, but getting in at least 1-2 runs should be an attainable goal.
I know these lists aren’t complete, but they are a start. I don’t plan to add to the lists (other than in my head), but I wanted to get things out of my head as a start. Isn’t admitting you have a problem one of those “steps” somewhere?
This is not going to be easy for me, and I know it hasn’t been easy on my friends. To all of you who have lent me your ears for me to vent/talk to or your shoulders to cry on, I thank you. I know that I couldn’t have gotten as far as I can (in anything) without the help of the people around me. I hope you will continue to help me as I try to turn things around over the next few weeks and months.
And now, it’s time to go to bed.
About Bill: runner
I suppose I’ll start with this “about me” post, since I have talked more about running on this blog than most other topics over the past several months.
I started running in January 2011, because I was tired of being out of shape and overweight. I tried lots of things, from a regular (3/week) workout (designed for me by a friend who is a physical trainer) to simply “hoping” the weight would come off (I’ll call that “faith-based healing”). None of it worked. Then, late last year, I saw this video, and it inspired me to try something new: running.
Running is hard for me. It hurts, and it really isn’t fun… not yet at least. I keep having brief moments where I think I might start enjoying myself, but not yet. Soon, I hope, that will change.
In the meantime, as of this writing, I have lost over 20 lbs, and competed in three 5k races, two 10k, one half-marathon, and run almost 150 miles total. For someone who barely considers themselves a runner, I’m doing alright.
In 2012, I have big plans for my running. I will compete in a half-ironman and a marathon… and I plan to enjoy both.
Going for #2
As of today, I am officially signed up to run in my second half-marathon. My first one was last week, and after last night’s Do Life 5k in Kansas City, I felt inspired to do it again. I haven’t quite figured out what’s wrong with me just yet, but lab tests are pending.
The race I will be running in is the Kansas City Marathon. The event is a fund raiser for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, so it’s a great cause. If you want to contribute to my fundraising, see the link below. Something else really exciting about this race is the fact that Becca will be running! She won’t be doing the half-marathon, but she’ll be rocking the 5k.
If you’re interested in donating to our team, feel free to contribute at our donation page here. If you can’t or don’t want to, that’s cool too. If you want to come watch us race, we’d love you for it (unless you want to run with us, which we’d like more ;-p ).
If you are interested in running the race with me, here’s my training schedule. Feel free to follow along and, if you want to join me, copy the training plan to your calendar. I have a couple of customizations built into the plan, so if you want the original, you can find it on Hal Higdon’s website.
Do Life 5k: Kansas City edition
Tonight was the Kansas City leg of the official Do Life whirlwind tour through the US, and it was awesome.
For those who don’t know, Ben Davis is the guy who inspired me to finally get off my ass and start running. Ben has started the “Do Life” movement, which is aimed at making changes in your life to make your life better. It’s a pretty cool idea, and I suggest subscribing to Ben’s blog. You won’t regret it.
Tonight’s run was a pretty casual affair. There were about 35-40 (ish) people who showed up to the Liberty Memorial in downtown Kansas City for the 5k. Even in that small group, I saw the full spectrum of runners: there were a few who looked like they were completely new to it, those who (like me) have been doing it for a few months to a few years, and there were a few who looked like they could have been professional runners.
I’m still pretty sore from my race last week, so after the first mile, I took it pretty easy. I walked quite a bit and chatted with a woman who also started running this year. I think that was the whole point of tonight’s gathering: just meet with other people who have similar stories (I lost track of how many people I met who have only been running for a few months) and talk, listen, and just generally have a good time.
After the run, we car pooled down to the Chipotle in the Power & Light district and hung out for a couple hours. The food was good (it’s Chipotle… hard to go too wrong), the conversation was awesome, and it was just a good time overall.
I’m really glad that I got to do this, more glad that Ben has shared all that he has through his blog, even more glad that he has served as an inspiration to so many, and infinitely more glad that I have finally started taking control of my life to affect positive change.
This was a good day, and I can’t wait for next year’s tour!
I did it!
Yesterday — well, I guess it’s two days ago now — I ran my first ever half-marathon! It was truly an amazing experience, although I wasn’t so excited during the race.
Everything started fairly well. My parents, Becca, Nick, and Emily all made the drive to Brownville, NE to see me run (have I mentioned that I have amazing family and friends?). Becca, Nick, Emily, and I all drove up to Omaha on Saturday night so we could visit the zoo on Sunday, which I may or may not post about later this week. Monday morning, race morning, we woke up at 5:00 am so that I could be at the packet pickup when it opened at 6:00 am. Did I mention my friends are amazing? Not many people would get up at 5:00 on a holiday just to drive to another city and sit for a few hours.
At packet pickup, Emily decided she wanted to run in the 10k race, so she registered as well. After that, we stretched and waited for the race to start. More people showed up, and at 7:00 am, we were off!
Emily and I ran together for the entirety of the first 3.1 miles. That was the point at which she turned around for the 10k loop. That was also not long before my troubles really started. At mile 4, my left calf cramped hard, and I started to worry. A few hundred yards later, a volunteer gave me a banana (he’d seen me cramp and was ready for me). At mile 5, I came up on the next aid station and asked if they had any ibuprofen or some other pain reliever… they didn’t. But they sent someone ahead to the turnaround for the half-marathon to check.
At 5.5 miles, my calf was down to a dull throb, and the guy who drove ahead came back to meet me with water and medicine. Shortly after, I came to the turnaround. 6.5 miles and 1:28 in, and I was running the risk of not making either of my time goals. I knew I’d need to push past the pain in my calf if I wanted to finish in under 3:00.
For the next few miles, I walked more than I ran, and my frustration continued to grow as my leg didn’t show any signs of feeling better. More than once I tried to run, only to have the cramp flare up after a few hundred feet. I got angry, upset, and disappointed. But I also strengthened my resolve. More than once a song came up in my playlist that made me think of the people waiting for me at the finish line, and more than once I imagined seeing a specific one of them when I crossed.
Determined to finish, I kept pushing through the pain and frustration. By the time I got to the last aid station, I had 1.3 (ish) miles to go, I had been running for nearly 3 hours, and I was completely exhausted. I had less than 15 minutes to run the last 1.3 miles if I wanted to finish in under 3:00:00, and my typical average pace is 12:30-13:00/mile… not good enough. That was when I asked myself the hard question: “Can I run 1.3 miles in 14:00?” My answer to myself, with as much anger and resolve as optimism (and with apologies to my mother), was “Fuck yes.”
I pushed myself as hard as I could over the last leg of the race, and as I arrived back in the town of Brownville, I saw people lining the street getting ready for the parade. As I came up on where the finish line should be, I discovered something quite discouraging: they had taken it down. Few things match the feeling of seeing that you don’t even have a finish line to cross after that distance… until you see that your mother and your fiancee are standing in the middle of the street, a strip of bathroom tissue stretched between them, screaming their fool heads off for you.
As I broke through that finish line, it could have been the Boston Marathon. And when I looked down at my GPS to see that I crossed the line in 2:58:47, I realized that I actually managed to finish my first half-marathon in under my goal time of 3 hours. Sure, it’s not a fast time (not by a long shot), but I had just run 13.1 miles — I wasn’t about to be picky.
Today, the day after the race, I could barely stand or walk. My left calf is killing me, and both my legs’ quadriceps and hamstrings are making me want to lay down and die. But I have to admit it was worth it. I managed to keep a 13:35 minute pace for more than 13 miles, something I would never have imagined I would be able to do. And the best part of all of it was having some of the people who matter most to me there to witness it.
So that’s it. I can now say that I have run in a half-marathon, and I know that next time my time will be faster. But what really matters is that there will be a next time, and a time after that, and a marathon after that, and eventually, an Ironman. And after that… who knows?
New shoes, new treadmill, new records
Over the weekend I got a new pair of running shoes, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I spent this much money on any article of clothing, much less a pair of shoes! Here’s a quick pic:
I have to say, they are pretty comfortable. My old shoes (only 6 months old, but still…) were starting to give me blisters whenever I’d run more than 2-3 miles, which is almost all of my runs anymore (wait, what?!). So on a tip from a friend, I tried out Gary Gribbles, a running shop on Mass St. here in Lawrence. The service was awesome! They looked at the wear patterns on my current running and everyday shoes to determine the type of shoe that would work best for me. All told, I spent almost an hour trying on different shoes and running around their store (seriously).
I tried to give the new shoes a test run (see what I did there?) on my new treadmill, but I’m not sure that it will work. Mind you, it’s just new to me, as I got it free from someone moving out of my complex, so it’s possible that it’s just too old. I need to mess around with it a bit more before I give up on it. I really want a treadmill, so hopefully I can make it work.
My last bit of news for tonight is about my running progress. I recently ran in the Hospital Hill 10k in KCMO, and it was awesome! I managed to beat both of my time goals (one of them by mere seconds, but it still counts)! On top of that, I’ve been keeping up with my training for the half-marathon coming up in a couple weeks. As part of that, and to help break in my new shoes, I went to Holcom Rec Center this Sunday to try for 8 miles on the treadmill. Unfortunately people needed to use it, so I only made it through 5.5/8, but I ran 4 straight miles without stopping! The first 3.1 miles flew by in 32:27, more than 8 minutes faster than my personal 5k record! It was enough to make me add a “treadmill/indoor track” section to my personal records page.
Well, that’s it for now. This turned into a little longer of a post than I intended, but that’s cool.
Peace out.
Sunday morning run
Still ridiculously cold outside, so I went to Holcom Rec Center again to use their treadmills.
Walk/jog to Holcom Rec Center
0.44mi, 5:48min, 13:17 min/mi pace
MapMyRun workout
Treadmill
1.45mi, 20:00min, 13:47 min/mi pace
MapMyRun workout
Walk/jog home from Holcom
0.4mi, 6:35min, 15:54 min/mi pace
MapMyRun workout
Yesterday’s total
2.29mi, 32:23min, 14:08 min/mi pace
Last week’s totals
Just under half of what I was hoping for, but the weather didn’t help. That, and I should probably try and pace myself better from now on. At Saturday’s 5k, I definitely plan to take it a little easier than I did on the treadmill last week.
Monday:
Walk/jog to Holcom Rec Center
0.32mi, 5:27min, 15:23 min/mi pace
MapMyRun workout
Treadmill
3.05mi, 40:00min, 13:06 min/mi pace
MapMyRun workout
Walk/jog home from Holcom
0.36mi, 5:32min, 14:40 min/mi pace
MapMyRun workout
Thursday:
Walk/jog to Holcom Rec Center
0.41mi, 5:50min, 14:13 min/mi pace
MapMyRun workout
Walk/jog home from Holcom
0.74mi, 11:35min, 15:42 min/mi pace
MapMyRun workout
Total:
4.88mi
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